Life, Death, and Compassion

I typically don't make any resolutions for the new year.  I do find something to try and work on, and then tuck it away and focus on it throughout the year.  I've worked on spirituality, I've worked on health.  Towards the end of 2014, I realized I needed to work on being more compassionate.  I've always been that "you brought it on yourself" person, and I don't really feel very sympathetic towards people who break rules or mess things up.  And then, I got a life lesson of epic proportions.  A lesson that punched me hard in the gut, and brought the need for me to learn to be more compassionate and more empathetic towards every person in this world, no matter the circumstances.

I have a friend that I met when I first joined the Navy.  The one thing about Navy friends is that we are all very close, and time nor distance changes that.  There is just something about the bond that military service brings that weaves people together in ways I cannot explain.  We will get back to my friend in a minute.

While watching the news this weekend, I learned that the Governor of Maryland had commuted the death sentences of the few inmates serving on death row.  I would imagine most people would react to the news of the execution orders being lifted with that of anger, or sadness maybe.  These people have indeed committed heinous crimes and were sentenced to death.  But me?  I felt an eery sense of happiness come over me.  Of peace maybe.  And I even cried a little when I heard that news.  

And on the other side of the country, my dear Navy friend was on her knees praying for the tender mercies shown to her family after nearly 20 years of hell.  Her brother was one of the men on death row.  He had already received his execution order and was literally just waiting to be executed.  And now?  No, not anymore.  His sentence has been turned into life without parole.  He will not be executed.  

So I let that sink in awhile.  Here is a self-confessed murderer.  Yes, he did it.  And it was a brutal murder, of two elderly people.  Drugs were involved, and he robbed them and then stabbed them to death with scissors.  Make no mistake, it was horrible.  As far as the death penalty is concerned, he certainly earned his spot there.  I don't think anyone disputes that.  

But for one second, I'd like you to try to be my friend.  

Can you fathom waking up and learning from the news that your brother committed such a horrible crime?  Your own flesh and blood?  The person you grew up with, that you played with and loved?  Can you imagine the havoc wreaked on her family?  I've said it time and time again myself when I see crimes on the news:  "I cannot imagine how horrible this is for the family."  Haven't we all said something like that, then quickly moved on and gone about our business without another thought?  Well, she knows first hand just how horrible it is for the family.  That does not mean she is not empathetic towards the victims families.  Of course she is, she is absolutely torn apart.  

I can try to think how I would feel, I can try to play this scenario out in my head.  But the reality is that I have no idea how difficult it would be.  I don't know what that kind of heartbreak feels like, how heartbroken the victims families are, nor how heartbroken my friend was when she learned her brother committed this crime. 

 It does beg the question, "How strong is my family?  Is my family strong enough to weather such a storm?  How would I react if faced with such a terrible thing"?  

My friend stuck by her brother.  She did not abandon him.  He is still her brother, after all .  

In the past 72 hours I have learned what a strong, empathetic and caring person she truly is.  After the news was common knowledge, she handled herself with grace and class.  She has not forgotten the victim's families, and how they are reacting to this news.  She is strong.  She is facing a trial I hope I never have to face.  

But one thing is for sure, I realize how important it is to be that empathetic and sympathetic person.   What if I didn't know it was her brother?  What if I jumped right on social media and slammed the governor of Maryland for his decision?  I don't have a dog in that fight.  I would have hurt someone very close to me.  It's not her fault she and her family are living this nightmare.  They are collateral damage, and they have suffered enough.  

I saw something online the other day that really struck me.

"If you can't be kind, be quiet."

And that, my friends is what I'm working on this year.  

If I can't be kind, I'm going to be quiet.  And hopefully along the line, I will learn to be more compassionate and empathetic.

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* NOTE:  Sometimes my friends will share my posts to their own circles on social media, and I'm normally ok with that.  But this is a sensitive post, and I would appreciate it if you didn't send it to social media out of respect for my friend.  Thank you, much love you to you and Happy New Year.