SQUIRREL!!!!!!!!!

I first knew "something" was wrong with Justice during pregnancy.  When I started feeling fetal movement, it was what I would call "crazy".  It was literally 24 hours per day.  Non-stop.  I know you hear people say "Oh my baby kicks all the time".  But NO, Justice kicked 24 hours per day for my entire pregnancy.  If he stopped kicking, it was only for two or three seconds and he was right back at it.  Any loud noise would scare him to death, and he also "shook" in my belly, and it would scare the heck out of me.  It felt like seizures.  The doctor felt it was some sort of nerve disorder that we would figure out after he was born.  And when Justice was indeed born, he came out screaming at the top of his lungs, scared, anxious, nervous, and he kept on screaming until he was nearly two years old.  It was hell.  He had terrible acid reflux and several pediatricians just diagnosed him as being a "fussy baby".  I knew otherwise, because he was like that during pregnancy.  But there was nothing we could do.  We just waited.

He became very destructive when he was about two.  He couldn't sit still for more than ten seconds or so, destroyed every toy he had, cried constantly, and when he wasn't crying or destroying something he was rocking back and forth and hyperventilating because every loud noise scared him.  Strangely enough, he was doing very well in preschool, and we noticed at home that he was indeed a very smart little boy.  He was also very, very sweet.  He hated feeling like that, it made him miserable.  He was never a bully or mean, he was just tormented.  I was worried initially about autism, but was assured by doctor's that was not the case.  Nobody pinpointed what exactly was wrong, and we just kept on trying to deal with his issues in any way we could.  We felt SO SORRY and SAD for this little boy.  He was clearly tormented by something, but not old enough to express exactly what was wrong.  He cried so often and was really miserable.  

As he got older, and entered Kindergarden, he was blessed with a wonderful teacher.  She told us right off the bat that he was one of the brightest kids she'd ever taught in her class, but she hedged around something else... ADHD.  She never came right out and said it, because apparently she isn't ALLOWED to say it.  But she was kind enough to drop enough hints that we read behind the lines and kept our eyes open to it.  His behavior was good in her class, because she worked with him.  His teacher loved him and made some behavior exceptions for him based on what she observed.  This continued through first grade.  His teacher loved him, and his behavior grades and classwork grades were great.  No problems.  But there were problems, they were just overlooked because he was so smart and lovable.  Then, he hit second grade.  And all hell broke loose.  At the time, I did not like his second grade teacher in the SLIGHTEST.  Justice struggled mightily the first half of the year.  He cried every single day on the way home from school with a bad conduct grade.  His classwork was great, his grades were always high, but his behavior was horrible.  So of course, I disliked the teacher???  Yes, yes, that's what I did.  I had a hard time understanding why she wouldn't make allowances for him.  And now, I'M SO GLAD SHE DIDN'T.  If it weren't for her hard line in the sand, we would have never had him diagnosed and treated.  I made an appointment with her and asked her if she thought he might have ADHD.  She gave me the standard "I am not allowed to tell you my thoughts on that" answer that they are required by law to give.  I understood.  But she also told me that as a parent, if it were her child she would indeed get him tested.  So that's what we did.  After several visits with a psychologist, his pediatrician, and a psychiatrist, he was diagnosed with ADHD.  And I learned some very valuable lessons from the psychiatrist.  She was tough with us, really tough.  I was dead set against medicating him, and I really don't know why.  It just seemed like such a stigma and such a bad label to have, and I wanted nothing to do with it.  Until the psychiatrist told me straight up like it is and put me in my place.  

She asked Justice why he was so upset all the time, and how his head was feeling.  He told her this, and I will never ever forget it.  It broke my heart.  

"I feel like I have elephants running in circles in my head."  And he began to cry.  

Ugh.  How awful.  And here I was on my "anti-medication" soapbox.   She really gave it to me on that visit, and asked me if he had diabetes, would I withhold his medication?  Of course I wouldn't... and we left with a prescription.  And I left with a change of heart.  We learned from the psychiatrist that it wasn't a bad diagnosis, that it wasn't a stigma, or anything horrible.  We learned that his self-esteem was in the toilet because of all the trouble he was getting into at school.  We also learned that how we reacted to it would really impact how Justice felt about it.  But let me tell you, after his first dose of medication he couldn't have cared less how anybody else felt about it.  He was free, finally.  Six years of elephants running around in his head were over with that first dose.  We were on the way home from school one day right after he began taking it and he said:

"MOM, did you know that the wind moves the leaves on the trees?"

Wow.  He wasn't ever able to look at the trees long enough to notice that the wind actually moved the leaves.  There were other things.  He noticed what color my eyes were with a simple quizzical look and said "Your eyes are brown."  Yes, they are indeed brown.  He hadn't ever noticed.  And finally, after six years of torment and tears and no sleeping, I got to meet the little boy that was trapped inside that brain.  And what a sweet and wonderful little boy he is.  

We laugh about his ADHD now, hence the title of this post.  If he isn't making any sense with whatever he is doing, or if he's jumping around or acting like a loon, he will randomly yell "SQUIRREL" and start laughing because he knows he's having trouble concentrating.  He is old enough now to know he is responsible for controlling his behavior and he can't use ADHD as a crutch. Team sports were highly recommended by his psychiatrist, and we signed him up for every one he wanted to play.  Football was indeed the best for him, it helped him learn to control himself, and taught him what bad things happen if you aren't disciplined.  It was the best thing for him.  This is my favorite picture I've been able to find that very simply explains what is going on in his head, without the elephant analogy.  I saw it on a ADD website and showed it to Justice.  He laughed like a hyena and said "HEY, THAT'S ME!"

We are blessed.  I know a lot of other parents that have children with ADHD that really really struggle, even with medication and therapy.  Justice is not one of those children.  He adjusted to medication VERY well, but we know that medication isn't the end-all to controlling ADHD.  He sees a psychiatrist every three months, and we teach him behavior modification at home.  He has a schedule and a routine that we stick with every single night, no matter what.  He thrives on a schedule, and it's necessary for him.  It's hard for me, I'm not going to lie.  Some nights I just want to go off the schedule and do nothing... but the repercussions for Justice would be awful.  He has become a creature of habit out of necessity.  

It's no walk in the park raising a child with ADHD.  It's HARD.  But raising children is hard period.  And every child is different.  Justice has been an incredible blessing to our lives, and he has dealt with it very well.  Heavenly Father gifted him with intelligence, and he sees ADHD as a trial in his life that he must endure and he is at peace with it.  

And we are at peace with it.