The Surgeries

This is a "too much information" post, but because I'm blogging for posterity sake, I need to include a reference to it.  Scroll on past if you like, you won't hurt my feelings.  

Joe and I decided long ago that any birth control that we used would be natural only, and with no medical intervention.  We felt very strongly about not taking away our ability to have any more children.  It was something we both said we would NEVER do.    

It took us so long to have Bo, and after five years and two losses I knew it would be nearly impossible for me to get pregnant again.  I never really thought a whole lot about getting pregnant again, I mean what were the odds?  I figured if I did get pregnant again then good, we would have another baby and all would be well.  No big deal.  Imagine the shock that set in when I realized I was pregnant again.  And for the first time in my entire life, it was not a good surprise.  I did not see that reaction coming.  I was absolutely hysterical, and not in a good way.  Shandi was home the day I found out, and thankfully so.  I was a mess.  I had an actual panic attack.  

I realized in that split second as I looked at that positive test that I did NOT want any more children.  What a terrible feeling when you are pregnant.  But it is a wonderful feeling to know that you are truly and finally DONE building your family.  If you are sitting on the fence about having any more children, you know what I mean.  

I trudged to the doctor's office, and it was quickly apparent that things were not well with the fetus, and that it was going to end in miscarriage.  To be completely honest, I was not disappointed.  I was relieved.  I know that may sound horrible, but you just have to spend a few days with Bo, Jack, Justice and The Coach to understand that my plate is full and my cup runneth over like the Hoover Dam after God floods the earth.  Of course I was sad, because I was going to have to miscarry again.  That is a terrible feeling, no matter where your head is at in regards to family planning.  So I went home and waited.  And waited.  And finally, nine weeks into the pregnancy I ended up having to have a D & C at the hospital.  I was unwilling to wait any longer for nature to takes its course, I needed the closure and I needed to move on.  There is no worse feeling than carrying a pregnancy that is not viable.  Let me be clear when I say not viable, I mean no heartbeat.  I do not want anyone to think I would intentionally abort a fetus that was just unwell.  That would never be the case, not ever.  My body was not responding to the loss so I needed medical intervention.  It was a quick and easy procedure performed by my OB doctor and I was back on my feet in about a week.

But now what?  I was determined not to have that happen again.  We decided I would get my tubes tied, or Joe would get a vasectomy.  He didn't have any sick leave until the beginning of the new year since he took time off to help out with the kids after the D & C.  I didn't want to wait that long, so I immediately scheduled the surgery two weeks after the D & C.  I had some complications with the anesthesia and felt pretty crappy for days after the surgery.  It was rougher than I thought, it hurt a heck of a lot more than I figured it would, and I'm glad it's over.

No regrets, no going back.  

Our family is perfect.  We have been blessed with six beautiful children, and I never look that gift horse of Bo at age 42 in the mouth.  He was a huge blessing to us, but he definitely completes our family.  I have been in child-bearing mode for nearly 22 years.  I have dreamed of more children for 22 consecutive years.  Can you imagine??  What a toll, considering the trials we faced along the way.  

  I am so thankful that we finally received the knowledge through prayer that our family is full.  What a tender mercy this whole experience has been.