Resolutions

I don't set New Year's resolutions.  At least not for the past five years or so.  It's not that I don't think they have value, but I always used to dread going into the New Year with this Big Thing that I needed to change about myself or my life.  I dreaded January because it meant some inevitable change was coming, and then the failure of not being able to make the change would lead into a miserable February, and so on.  Right around the time Spring rolled around I'd perk myself back up and allow the sunshine to work its magic on my spirit and things would be all right again.  Part of the reason that I always failed miserably at my goals was because they were always far too lofty and typically unreachable.  So the cycle of setting ridiculous and far reaching resolutions followed by failure and a late-winter funk got old and I just quit.  

This year, I knew I needed to make some changes in my life.  I've become complacent with some things that should be far more important than they have been, and I've been disappointed in myself because of it.  I knew that going into this New Year, I really NEEDED to make some changes and was set on making it happen this time around.  No uber-lofty and unreachable goals, just self-improvement goals for the sake of my family.  And a timeline of getting them done so I'm not overwhelmed.  

My number one task is to become a more spiritual person.  I need to do better for my children, especially Justice.  He is one of the most spiritual and kindest people I have ever known, and I need to be able to nurture that gift with at least equal amounts of spirituality.  And conversely with Jack, he's got Satan on speed dial and he truly needs me to be the most spiritual person I can be.  The good news is that I know it's inside me somewhere, I just need to dust it off and put it to work.  Some aspects of my life are going to have to change to make that happen.  I don't think this will be a difficult task to accomplish, and the benefits for my family will be well worth the effort.  Our Family Home Evenings will be better, our family prayer and scripture study will be better, and our entire family will benefit from it.  I am kicking off the year with a 21 day fast in order to cleanse my soul and my mind and three days into it I can already feel a huge difference.  The fast is based on the Book of Daniel, and is really in essence a Vegan diet with further restrictions on breads and sweeteners.  I was a Vegan for nearly five years prior to becoming pregnant with Jack, so this is really familiar territory and isn't so much of a shock to my system.  My problem with losing track of my goals each year is a lack of discipline.  This fast will help with that problem.  While I'd much rather be eating a Rice Krispie Treat the size of Texas, fasting helps me discipline myself into NOT eating it.  Justice voluntarily decided he would fast with me, and it has been a wonderful experience for both of us so far.  He said to me last night "I think this is really a good bonding thing for us, Mom."  Yes it is, my sweet son.

The second thing I will be working on is schooling for the boys.  I have really slacked off on homeschooling Jack since I became so ill with this pregnancy.  We are really far behind and Jack is perfectly fine with that.  I am not.  I am feeling better now, and we have resumed our full schedule and it's going well.  Assuming the slack off of school was truly because I was sick and not because I honestly hate home-schooling Jack then I think I can scratch this off my list already.

The next task is more difficult, but mostly because I fear it.  Justice needs additional schooling at home. And to explain why I hate home-schooling Jack, it's not because I don't like to home-school, it's my good friend Jackson that is the problem.  He is a difficult little guy to work with, and he does not make things easy for me in the slightest.  Justice on the other hand, loves to learn.  He chooses to sit at the computer for hours researching things and playing math learning games.  The problem with Justice is the level of schooling he needs.  It's nearly over my head already.  His brain operates in ways I cannot fathom and it intimidates me.   So out of sheer fear of not being able to teach him, I've been putting it off.  Fortunately for the both of us, he was accepted into the Duke University Talent Identification Program this year, and it has been a fantastic thing for him.  He has access to all sorts of enrichment classes online, and opportunities to participate in plenty of activities that he needs for his educational growth.  My job now is just to enforce the schedule and make sure he does his work.  He will also be starting to learn Spanish via Rosetta Stone in a few weeks, and I look forward to adding that to his curriculum.  He is also really excited, and that makes it so much easier.  

And last, but not least... and this is the one that gets me every year... Nutrition and health.  Every year I say I'm going to lose ten pounds, get in shape, blah blah blah... but it never happens.  I dread it and I hate it.  I know January is right around the corner when the holidays roll around, and I eat like a fool trying to get that last greasy meal in before 1 January when the dreaded diet begins.  I didn't do that this year.  In spite of being pregnant and hungry constantly, I didn't gain a single pound between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Whew, because it's not like I can do anything about it in my current condition.  I've also had an ominous warning from the doctor about birthing Sasquatch.  Seems as if the little baby I'm carrying is not so little, and the doctor has been very clear about the direct correlation between pregnancy weight gain and the size of the baby at birth.  This actually works in my favor, because it is forcing me to adhere to my nutritional goals whether I really want to or not.  I promise you this is the first year in probably my entire life that I didn't gain the "Holiday Five".  But, after the baby is born, I am going to have a LOT of work to do, and I need to prepare myself for that emotionally.  This pregnancy has already done things to my body that I not happy about, and I've still got a long way to go.  There will be much work to be done after his birth, and I can help alleviate some of that NOW by proper nutrition and overall good health.  Pregnancy at 42 is hard on the body.  

My goals are different this year.  They are not all about ME, but they are about the little people in my life.  They are about me becoming a more spiritual and organized person so that my two little boys plus the player to be named later will grow up with the tools they need to be successful in this crazy world.  They need God, education, and lots of structure, love and support from their parents.  

Happy New Year.